Pam Butler's Story

At first glance many people would have thought Pam Butler's life was near ideal. She grew up in a stable and loving family. Her parents owned a nice home in affluent Palo Alto, California. Her younger brother and sister were successful in their academic, personal and professional lives. Pam was a popular cheer leader in high school. In college she graduated with a degree in fine arts and later supported herself as an artist. Then her world was ripped apart.

She met Michael Braga, a charismatic but troubled man who had a series of unsuccessful jobs and a drinking problem. At first he was extremely attentive and romantic, learning everything he could about Pam and her likes and dislikes. "He swept me off my feet!" They were married a short time afterwards. Pam now says, "If something looks too good to be true it probably is."

Michael started to control Pam in ways that she now knows are characteristic of batterers. "He tried and partially succeeded in limiting my contact with my friends and family, in controlling my money and living space. He became pushy and demanding of sex with no respect for my feelings. He picked away at my confidence and self-esteem. He stopped working and focused instead on drinking, pornography, and abuse. How dare he pretend to be someone so completely different than who he really was."

Michael's treatment of Pam degenerated into contemptuous rape and beatings interspersed with threatening demands for money and sexual favors. Several times Pam was beaten unconscious. She painfully learned to try to hide the signs of the beatings (brusies, black eyes, cuts, etc.) because she was ashamed to be in such a situation. At first she tried to believe that he would turn back into the seemingly loving and gallant man who had first presented himself to her. They were evicted twice from Pam's apartments because of all the fighting and noise. They had been married only nine months.

After several serious beatings that caused re-injury to an old skull fracture from a near fatal car accident, Pam realized that her life was in danger. She threatened to leave. "It was then that I knew I was really in danger. In between blows he told me exactly how he would torture and kill my parents in front of me, and then kill me. I knew I needed help."

Pam was "very fortunate" in enlisting the aid of a Santa Clara County Assistant District Attorney, Joyce Allegro. Ms. Allegro grasped the situation immediately. Mr. Braga was arrested and following trial was sentenced to 12 years in prison for 8 felony counts, including 2 with Great Bodily Injury (GBI), as well as terrorist threats. This is one of the longest sentences for domestic violence passed down in California history. Another first is the 50 year restraining order against Mr. Braga.

Ms. Butler dislikes the term "survivor" of domestic violence. "I will only become a survivor when Michael is dead. Until then I live in constant fear for myself and my family." Mr. Braga served 6 years & 8 months of the 12 year prison sentence. He is off parole in early 2001.

As a result of her experiences with domestic violence and the legal system she has devoted many, many hours to assisting other victims. Her efforts have lead to the creation by the county of a unique job description for her. She is the Domestic Violence Victim Advocate for the County of Santa Clara's Social Services Agency. Ms. Butler has gone on to be a national speaker on domestic violence. She has participated in documentaries, done trainings for various professionals (doctors, lawyers, police, teachers), and has been interviewed by the major television networks.

Ms. Butler was instrumental in creating a seat for a Former Victim on the Santa Clara County Domestic Violence Council and was then the first person to hold that position. She has spent over seven and a half years on the Council and many of its subcommittees. She also established the first 'Victim's Voice' Committee - a subcommitte of the Domestic Violence Council consisting of victims of domestic violence. Throughout this period she has continued to develop her own unique style of victim advocacy. She works intimately with victims helping them to find both inner and outer resources to deal with the traumas of abuse, recovery and the legal systems.

Ms. Butler can be reached by email at pbutler@growing.com or by telephoning (408) 488-3432.

Click here to go to Pam Butler's article "Why Does She Stay?"

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